Young Couple Says McMansions are the Answer
"Who needs affordable housing when you can take out a third subprime mortgage and be in debt for the rest of your life?" questioned Roberts, citing that a huge house was a far better investment than graduate school. VISION's Communications Director Leaves to Pursue Career as Marketing Director for Wal-Mart
She said that the new career path will take her "out of the "rock and roll save-the-world non-profit" image and lead to the further erosion of local downtowns in favor of low-cost items sold underpaid employees with no benefits. Sounds great!" Environmental Activist Buys Hummer, Embraces Gas Guzzling culture, scoffs "Global Warming's a Hoax, anyway"
At a press conference earlier this week, he was asked about the hypocrisy of running an environmental advocacy group while owning such climate-destroying vehicles. He replied, "if everyone else conserves and makes greener choices, it leaves more room for me and my Hummer. Besides, I read Michael Crichton's "State of Fear" and now believe that global warming is a hoax." VISION President Accepts Position With China Coal
Gordon Heights Civic Leader Moves to Lloyd Harbor
We wish her well and wonder if some Lloyd Harbor residents will be moving into Gordon Heights any time soon. Sprawl Housing Way More Fun To Design, Says Architect
When questioned about the country's shift toward creating a smaller carbon footprint, she responded, "well, if they want green building, I guess we could paint the vinyl siding to match the color of the grass." Bank Wins Smart Growth Award for Innovative Building Design
Congratulations on this prestigious honor! Assistant Director Seeks Therapy for Mall Addiction
Road Widening the Way to Go, DOT Region 10 Had it Right
"DOT Region 10 was right all along," noted VISION Executive Director Eric Alexander. "Road widening is the best way to improve the flow of traffic because we've seen it work every time." He concluded, "You know, I think it should be wider. We could definitely fit another few more lanes over there where the sidewalk is now." The Onion Discusses The Rise of Aristocratization
Forget Mass Transit, Fall In Love With Traffic!
Who doesn't love sitting in traffic for hours with gas prices rising at unprecedented rates? We know we look forward to it every day. A Final Word
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After spending many months searching for an affordable place to live on Long Island, soon-to-be-newlywed Julie Roberts, VISION's Planning Coordinator, and her fiance have decided to forgo workforce housing in favor of a McMansion. 
Michelle Dutchen, long-time Communications Director for VISION, will be leaving her post and abandoning her side job in the music business in order to accept a position as the Marketing Director for Wal-Mart. 
Neal Lewis, influential Executive Director of the Neighborhood Network, has finally admitted his gas-guzzling car addiction, as he was recently photographed sneaking off to a Hummer dealership to purchase another vehicle for his ever-growing collection of 7-miles-to-the-gallon cars. 
China Coal, one of the China's largest coal operators, has recently hired Ron Stein, formerly of VLI, to help implement development plans using a visioning process for new two coal-fired generating facilities near Dix Hills, on the site originally intended for a gas firing facility in a prior failed effort. These are their first efforts outside China. The facility is intended to be highly walkable, will include pesticide-free xeriscaping, along with interconnected streets and bicycle paths. Ron sees the biggest challenge as incorporating affordable housing in a community that has been so resistant to mixed uses. Incidentally, China Coal has been praised by the industry for its lowest dollar-per-kilowatt output by utilizing older technologies and minimizing unnecessary outlays on costly emissions controls, and has recently been fined by the Chinese government for violating state pollution guidelines for all 37 of its coal facilities, something the company takes great pride in. 
Greater Gordon Heights Civic Association President Tawaun Whitty has packed her bags and moved to Lloyd Harbor, hoping to bring her advocacy for affordable housing, immigration reform, and community activities to this diverse neighborhood. "I can't wait to get started. I don't know what I want to tackle first - immigration or affordable housing," she said.
A prominent local architect has said that she no longer wishes to design New Urbanist housing, stating that she would rather spend her time creating McMansions. "It takes all of the guesswork out of the design process and really gives you the chance to put in all of those extra garages and marble columns that everyone wants these days. 
Commerce Bank, in a final honor before it merges with TD Banknorth, has been chosen for a Smart Growth Award for their innovative building design. Embracing the Smart Growth principles of mindless sprawl, huge parking lots, race-car-style drive-thru lanes, and completely out-of-place cookie-cutter building design, Commerce Bank is a shining beacon of the promising future of development in the region, if not the country. The only criticism is that four drive-thru lanes may not be enough. Maybe their future designs could give us six.
VISION's esteemed Assistant Director, Katie Laible, has agreed to enter a rehab facility following an intervention from family and friends. In what doctors are calling an extreme case "mall-caholism," Ms. Laible just could not seem to stop shopping at malls, cringing at the thought of enjoying a nice afternoon in a walkable downtown. When reached for comment, she said "I love driving through suburbia in search of a parking spot at the mall to buy everything I don't need." We wish her the best in her recovery.
New York State DOT Region 10 plans to widen some of its busiest roads in order to alleviate traffic, in stark contrast to neighboring counties that are seeking to improve public transportation and implement other traffic calming measures. 
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APRIL FOOLS! We hope you have enjoyed a little light-hearted fun in the spirit of April Fools Day. The real April edition of Smart Talk will come out, as scheduled, on Friday. |
SMART GROWTH NEWS Newsletter Editor: Michelle Dutchen, Communications Director We strive to provide continued quality publications such as this each week. If you are interested in becoming a newsletter or news blast sponsor, please call the office at 631-261-0242 for rates and opportunities. If you have any news or events that you would like to add to our newsletter, submit them to info@visionlongisland.org for consideration.
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